Adventures in Dating

[Aquamarine]

I will never use a dating app.

lol why?

[FreelancePoliceman]

lol why?

I'm not interested in advertising myself like a car. I don't want to think of my partner that way, and I wouldn't want her to think of me that way. When you start deciding who is or isn't acceptable to you based on such impersonal characteristics you begin to devalue what really matters. And when you devalue these things in others you begin to devalue them in yourself. Using dating apps reduces you as a person.

[VewyScawwyNawcissist]

I'm not interested in advertising myself like a car. I don't want to think of my partner that way, and I wouldn't want her to think of me that way. When you start deciding who is or isn't acceptable to you based on such impersonal characteristics you begin to devalue what really matters. And when you devalue these things in others you begin to devalue them in yourself. Using dating apps reduces you as a person.

ur not allowed to type ur personal characteristics? there's no a kind of person based on characteristics that u are and that u would get along with so u define them with those characteristics?

[FreelancePoliceman]

ur not allowed to type ur personal characteristics? there's no a kind of person based on characteristics that u are and that u would get along with so u define them with those characteristics?

Of course you can try, but who would believe it? Your own impression of yourself is of dubious merit. What you do and how you characteristically act is more valuable and more difficult to fake.

[End]

I'm not interested in advertising myself like a car. I don't want to think of my partner that way, and I wouldn't want her to think of me that way. When you start deciding who is or isn't acceptable to you based on such impersonal characteristics you begin to devalue what really matters. And when you devalue these things in others you begin to devalue them in yourself. Using dating apps reduces you as a person.

Very true, but in today's world it's rather difficult to meet people who are interested. Where do you go? Do you just drive by and hit on the first hot chick ya see walking on the sidewalk? Hit up a bar?

If I had to use a dating app I wouldn't advertise all that much. I'd just post an honest picture of myself and say: "Come meet me and get to know me in person if you're interested in marriage and children. Not interested in 'hook-ups'. Be serious or look elsewhere" Straightforward and to the point. A clear and logical expectation with minimal advertisement. If she asks for my job and shit I say: "I'll tell ya everything you wanna know, but only in person. Where and when do you want to meet?"

That'll screen out 90% of all the crazy chicks and that's the goal.

Of course you can try, but who would believe it? Your own impression of yourself is of dubious merit. What you do and how you characteristically act is more valuable and more difficult to fake.

Especially given what women tend to advertise as "Average" body type. Yeah, average for Wal-Mart after midnight more often than not if ya catch my meaning. Also, the longer the "ad" the more fucked up they are as a person (goes for both genders). Long ass descriptions and/or detailed lists of expectations are cover for deep seated attachment issues. You can try to fix them if you want, but know what you're getting into. It's gonna take a lot of effort and patience on your part (assuming you lack those issues) to get them to the point where they're normal.

Not that it can't be worth it because that process will grant the relationship a very deep level of intimacy, but again, know what you're getting into.

[Bethanyclaire]

ok I probably share too much stuff on this site, but what the hell, I like it here

So yesterday I ended up at a big music event by myself, (well kinda with people, but not people I knew well). I was checking people out in the crowd and at one point I spotted Mr obvious Estp. I was feeling a bit lonely and sad as the day wasn't going to plan. Later on I saw the Estp again at the bar so I hung around on the off chance I could get his attention. I watched him steal a can of coke from behind the bar and managed to catch his eye, however, I of course didn't expect him to offer me the can and I mumbled something about not liking coke, under the noise of the music, like an idiot. He pulled a face, probably thinking I was judging him for stealing. (He also stole another can..haha). Anyway I watched him dance around a bit and then he was lost to the crowd. Lesson learnt- if you're gonna stalk duals, expect them to react and talk to you . Someone, learn from my lesson Anyway this guy was probs too young, cool and crazy for me but still I wish I had took that can of coke. I always do dumb stuff like that lol. I can't think clearly in loud, noisy places. You need your friends with you..!

And just now....I matched with a cute (non dual) on an app...this is one of few people I unmatched in the past but regretted un-matching. Some days are good, some are bad...

edit: feel a bit irresponsible for mentioning the story above. Even though I had wish I spoke to the Estp, I think he probably was too much of a bad boy lol, also he only offered me the drink because I was looking at him. I think it can be dangerous to ‘look’ for a dual as you may end up with a bad one, so I don’t want it to sound like I’m romanticising it too much..

[Scarlett]

@AWellArmedCat, I didn't date at all in high school or college, and I've dated a lot as an adult (after college)

Omg are you me lol

I dated only when I was in my first year of uni, after that I didn't date at all until I graduated and got a job.
I was just super busy in uni, but I did hangout casually, everyone seemed to think I had a boyfriend. Lol

By the way.

There's this guy that I thought an SLI, I think I've posted a few times on the forum.
He seems organised (he's a pilot afterall), and he's also a training capt, which means he has good judgements about his colleagues, things like that. He's really, really kind and down to earth, you get the warmth vibe when you talk to him. I didn't get the same vibe around other colleagues. I think I've posted on some other threads we all work in the same industry so I meet lots of them. And he's very well respected, it's funny I liked to mention his name when I talked to the other boys and they're all like "oh he's a good guy". Always. At first I just don't care, but now I'm getting interested lol like why he's so special.

Anyway. Him and I, we're pretty close, we get along really well. And last night I just found out he actually wanted to be a vet when he was younger. But then he was watching something on tv about a vet pulling out guinea pig's teeth, and he just couldn't do that, he didn't want to hurt guinea pigs or any animal, he imagined them just like us human.
I was like WTF. That doesn't sound rational at all, all this time I thought you were an SLI!
Hahaha.

So we connect really well, I can see he has Te/Fi, because I usually don't connect that well with someone using Fe/Ti, it's just different.
And with all his kindness and warmth, maybe he's really an F? Which means he's either an ESI or SEI

[Adam Strange]

Omg are you me lol

I dated only when I was in my first year of uni, after that I didn't date at all until I graduated and got a job.
I was just super busy in uni, but I did hangout casually, everyone seemed to think I had a boyfriend. Lol

By the way.

There's this guy that I thought an SLI, I think I've posted a few times on the forum.
He seems organised (he's a pilot afterall), and he's also a training capt, which means he has good judgements about his colleagues, things like that. He's really, really kind and down to earth, you get the warmth vibe when you talk to him. I didn't get the same vibe around other colleagues. I think I've posted on some other threads we all work in the same industry so I meet lots of them. And he's very well respected, it's funny I liked to mention his name when I talked to the other boys and they're all like "oh he's a good guy". Always. At first I just don't care, but now I'm getting interested lol like why he's so special.

Anyway. Him and I, we're pretty close, we get along really well. And last night I just found out he actually wanted to be a vet when he was younger. But then he was watching something on tv about a vet pulling out guinea pig's teeth, and he just couldn't do that, he didn't want to hurt guinea pigs or any animal, he imagined them just like us human.
I was like WTF. That doesn't sound rational at all, all this time I thought you were an SLI!
Hahaha.

So we connect really well, I can see he has Te/Fi, because I usually don't connect that well with someone using Fe/Ti, it's just different.
And with all his kindness and warmth, maybe he's really an F? Which means he's either an ESI or SEI

Yes, @Scarlett, I am you. I am future you. The guy who married an SLI whom I thought would fix some very broken parts of my life and she did, while throwing cement blocks in my path to my own personal development. SLI's like their mates to be infantiles, remember.

I'm the guy whose greatest regret now is that he didn't marry an ESI. I have more than I need of everything else in my life and you will, too. What I'm missing is a reason for living, which is what an ESI naturally supplies to the LIE. God, do they.

So, future you says, make damned sure that your next squeeze is an ESI. Not all ESIs are the same. I think they actually have just about the widest variance of any type, so plan to run through a dozen or so before you find your equal.

Oh, and SLIs are not a great match for LIEs in bed. They can get technically OK, but they are nothing like an ESI who wants you.

Godspeed.

[Bethanyclaire]

Think I may be chatting to an SLE. Answered a bunch of qs on ok Cupid and filled in my profile. Guy seems nice.

[End]

Yes, @Scarlett, I am you. I am future you. The guy who married an SLI whom I thought would fix some very broken parts of my life and she did, while throwing cement blocks in my path to my own personal development. SLI's like their mates to be infantiles, remember.

I'm the guy whose greatest regret now is that he didn't marry an ESI. I have more than I need of everything else in my life and you will, too. What I'm missing is a reason for living, which is what an ESI naturally supplies to the LIE. God, do they.

So, future you says, make damned sure that your next squeeze is an ESI. Not all ESIs are the same. I think they actually have just about the widest variance of any type, so plan to run through a dozen or so before you find your equal.

Oh, and SLIs are not a great match for LIEs in bed. They can get technically OK, but they are nothing like an ESI who wants you.

Godspeed.

This exchange reminded me of a Manga I just got done reading that also is currently getting an anime adaptation. The MC's are on my own ILI/SEE axis but it should still resonate. I'd look up "Taishou Otome Otogibanashi" if I were you.

Also relevant because the Father of the ILI male lead is a broken ILI himself. Sees everyone and everything in regards to transactions and exchanges. I won't spoil anything else because it's good and worth the few hours of time it'll take to read it. 38 or so manga chapters isn't very long. Basically a "novella" from the pulp era. A single issue of "The Shadow" that Walter B. Gibson pumped out on a bi-monthly basis (a writing speed any aspiring author with any ambition hopes to match one day).

[BaruchJorgell]

I'm not interested in advertising myself like a car. I don't want to think of my partner that way, and I wouldn't want her to think of me that way. When you start deciding who is or isn't acceptable to you based on such impersonal characteristics you begin to devalue what really matters. And when you devalue these things in others you begin to devalue them in yourself. Using dating apps reduces you as a person.

I also have a problem using dating websites/apps.

It is a quite irrational behaviour (not in the socionics sense) because I think I'd do well there; and also, those apps are where women are expecting to meet people, more and more, at the expense of the attention they might give to people outside those apps.

But I just can't force myself to do it. I've always hated selling myself to get attention. I've even gone so far as pretending I was bad at something (sports, for instance) just to be left alone, many many times.
I also have trouble letting people decide whether I'm worth a shot or not.

I have to admit I don't care very much about romantic relationships. The randomness of it always has put me off.

[Bethanyclaire]

Dating apps can be stressful. Meeting a man you don’t know can be scary, they are often very forward and you feel like they’re trying to trick you into sleeping with them. (Even if it’s just crossed wires/ they’re a bit..immature). And sometimes you just feel really bad that you got someone’s hopes up, when you decide you don’t like them. My new plan is to do only casual first ‘dates’. Somewhere simple, not too much time together. I don’t even want to call it a date, until I decide I am interested.

[Aquamarine]

Dating apps can be stressful. Meeting a man you don’t know can be scary, they are often very forward and you feel like they’re trying to trick you into sleeping with them. (Even if it’s just crossed wires/ they’re a bit..immature). And sometimes you just feel really bad that you got someone’s hopes up, when you decide you don’t like them. My new plan is to do only casual first ‘dates’. Somewhere simple, not too much time together. I don’t even want to call it a date, until I decide I am interested.

I thought I was the only one who felt like this. The last date I ever went on the whole time I was suspicious that this guy was trying to get me to go home with him.

[Adam Strange]

I thought I was the only one who felt like this. The last date I ever went on the whole time I was suspicious that this guy was trying to get me to go home with him.

Taking you home is probably better than leaving you in an alley.

Really. He's on a date to presumably meet his life partner. Why in the world would he want to take you home? Hell, you might meet his family.


If I sound a little bitter, it's because I've dated or known some ESIs for years and never met their families.
I'm not dating them now.
Fuck 'em. I hope they find some nice SLI to marry who will be a pain in their ass forever.


I'm trying to remember if I ever made a list of the failed relationships THAT I'M AWARE OF that ESIs have or are in.
I think I left that around here somewhere.......

You know what I see? The ESI tells me "Oh, I met this great person and we're getting married." Two years later, their eyes are dead. Lol.

[Aquamarine]

Taking you home is probably better than leaving you in an alley.

Really. He's on a date to presumably meet his life partner. Why in the world would he want to take you home? Hell, you might meet his family.


If I sound a little bitter, it's because I've dated or known some ESIs for years and never met their families.
I'm not dating them now.
Fuck 'em. I hope they find some nice SLI to marry who will be a pain in their ass forever.

lol that does suck
Well I tend to not introduce people to my family either...
I want a clean break if the relationship ends, lol, at least that's what I think. But I probably wouldn't go years doing that.

I'm assuming the ESIs gave a reason for not doing that

[Adam Strange]

lol that does suck
Well I tend to not introduce people to my family either...
I want a clean break if the relationship ends, lol, at least that's what I think. But I probably wouldn't go years doing that.

I'm assuming the ESIs gave a reason for not doing that

No, none of the ESIs gave me a reason for doing that. They don't have to, because it's easy enough to see.


So, this hypothetical woman is out on a date with a guy she's been seeing for a while, and she says to him, "How come we only go out and go to bed? How come I've never met your family or any of your friends?"

It's because the guy isn't playing straight with her.

Wise up.

[Bethanyclaire]

I thought I was the only one who felt like this. The last date I ever went on the whole time I was suspicious that this guy was trying to get me to go home with him.

Hmm so it’s felt like this more recently.. now that I’m finding people who have more ‘potential’. Sometimes it’s innocent- ending up on more romantic style dates than is ideal, because plans are rushed through and the guy is trying to be nice but it’s just ends up feeling weirdly intense and makes you wanna ghost them after. Sometimes it’s an SLI/SLE and for whatever reason they just get it into their head you’re really into them. I think some people see romance as a bit of a game too? I just don’t like feeling rushed because it makes me feel like I can’t trust my feelings/instincts. It’s best for both people involved to be sure really.

[Bethanyclaire]

When you know someone’s type before you’ve even met them it’s also easy to get carried away with chatting..and you have to remember to..be cool. Play it cool, stay cool.

[Adam Strange]

When you know someone’s type before you’ve even met them it’s also easy to get carried away with chatting..and you have to remember to..be cool. Play it cool, stay cool.

I went on a date with a nice IEI from Match, not wishing to have her as a permanent mate, but rather as a possible friend and advisor, and to tell her that her best match would be an SLE.

After the third date, when she thought that I might not be trying to get into her pants, she told me "I'm good at sex. I'm really good at sex."

SMH. We Victims can be needy when it comes to being wanted.


@Bethany, a few years ago, when I was dating a French IEI and was getting nowhere because I'm not an SLE, she showed me a picture of some white-tailed deer that she took from her kitchen window.
Little brown deer with little white tails, looking over their shoulders at the camera. Didn't I want to chase them? Hmmmm? Chase them, Adam. They want to be chased by a big, strong, dominating tiger.

[Bethanyclaire]

@Adam Strange yeah I will be glad when I don't have to do any more first dates. Knowing socionics makes it easier but also more weird. Like, I don't go on any dates with people who are't good ITR but then that means there is often some sort of chemistry even if you don't like them.

Umm the SLE I'm talking to is a bit tiger-ish.

[Adam Strange]

@Adam Strange yeah I will be glad when I don't have to do any more first dates. Knowing socionics makes it easier but also more weird. Like, I don't go any dates with people who are't good ITR but then that means there is often some sort of chemistry even if you don't like them.

Umm the SLE I'm talking to is a bit tiger-ish.

Yes, @Bethany. I don't go on "dates" with non-ESI types unless they understand that I'm not there to date them, but rather to just enjoy their company. And Yes, I like a lot of the women I go out with. There's a LOT of chemistry between us, but I'm not living my life like an ignorant animal anymore.

Have you seen Zootopia? Its an LIE-ESI (fox and bunny) movie, but Giselle is IEI and the tigers are SLE-Se and the Water Buffalo is SLE-Ti.

[Bethanyclaire]

Yes, @Bethany. I don't go on "dates" with non-ESI types unless they understand that I'm not there to date them, but rather to just enjoy their company. And Yes, I like a lot of the women I go out with. There's a LOT of chemistry between us, but I'm not living my life like an ignorant animal anymore.

Have you seen Zootopia? Its an LIE-ESI (fox and bunny) movie, but Giselle is IEI and the tigers are SLE-Se and the Water Buffalo is SLE-Ti.

I see, I see. You want to be a clever fox Fox and the Hound was another good movie too, my SEE brother liked that one.

Hm I've only really started taking dating seriously in the last few months. If I liked someone, I'd find it hard not to give it a go. I mean if it felt right.

Glad you have some nice dates

[AtopNewton]

This glacier of hundred thousand angel littering carousels for the boy girl matrimony splash aims a nexus of proposals with dungeon masking cube bulldozers makes me dream and fantasize about my date in heaven’s imagination land for puzzle snakes and Great Wall of China roads you walk to get in on the action with that Bunny at the end of the Rainbow!!

Hmm, finding the exhilarating prize of girlfriend frosties seems tough and risky, like a lot of girls may look nice, but deep at core, are just as plain or without extremities as a used carpet, unlike that diamond millennium banner of restored purity.

[The Banana King]

This exchange reminded me of a Manga I just got done reading that also is currently getting an anime adaptation. The MC's are on my own ILI/SEE axis but it should still resonate. I'd look up "Taishou Otome Otogibanashi" if I were you.

Also relevant because the Father of the ILI male lead is a broken ILI himself. Sees everyone and everything in regards to transactions and exchanges. I won't spoil anything else because it's good and worth the few hours of time it'll take to read it. 38 or so manga chapters isn't very long. Basically a "novella" from the pulp era. A single issue of "The Shadow" that Walter B. Gibson pumped out on a bi-monthly basis (a writing speed any aspiring author with any ambition hopes to match one day).

Woah dude yeah I read that manga. Awesome manga btw. I read it ages ago so I don't remember fully though. Yeah the lead seemed ILI or some jaded Alpha NT, but the girl seemed SEI to me somehow. Are you watching the anime adaptation this season?

[End]

Woah dude yeah I read that manga. Awesome manga btw. I read it ages ago so I don't remember fully though. Yeah the lead seemed ILI or some jaded Alpha NT, but the girl seemed SEI to me somehow. Are you watching the anime adaptation this season?

Yes I am and I am liking it. As for why Yuzuki is an SEE, well, I don't want to spoil it for anyone who hasn't read the manga but it's how she interacts with Tamahiko in most all ways and how/why she falls for him as hard and completely as she does. Spelling it out results in major spoilers but as you have read that manga do remember that type dynamics do and always will be run through cultural filters. The story is set in 1920's Japan. That matters and the author did their research quite thoroughly in that regard.

Then, the final nail in the coffin and why she was an SEE in my book, well, there's how she went about solving a major problem her family was having. Pure SEE move I fully get and boy oh boy did she utterly luck out lottery odds style for going that route. I am glad the author chose to reward her purity of heart by landing her with her dual that, while broken, wasn't lost and was rehabilitated by her presence in his life.

[The Banana King]

Today I went on a date with a girl I met on the internet. She looked chubby in her profile pic so I wasn't expecting much but actually she was really cute and in shape. From my interactions with her online, her profile pic and her ample use of emojis I typed her as ESE. But upon further inspection I'm suspecting she may be SEI-Fe. The last time I was my usual lecherous ILE self in a first date it backfired, so I decided to go for a more "gentleman" attitude like LII. Anyways she suggested I take her to my place so she could "give me a massage" and I declined because I am mega retarded and took the gentleman act too far and also because I still live with my mom. Now she won't reply to my texts anymore. Wut do?

[Baqer]

Today I went on a date with a girl I met on the internet. She looked chubby in her profile pic so I wasn't expecting much but actually she was really cute and in shape. From my interactions with her online, her profile pic and her ample use of emojis I typed her as ESE. But upon further inspection I'm suspecting she may be SEI-Fe. The last time I was my usual lecherous ILE self in a first date it backfired, so I decided to go for a more "gentleman" attitude like LII. Anyways she suggested I take her to my place so she could "give me a massage" and I declined because I am mega retarded and took the gentleman act too far and also because I still live with my mom. Now she won't reply to my texts anymore. Wut do?

Get a time machine or find a new SEI-Fe. Either way try again.

[The Banana King]

Get a time machine or find a new SEI-Fe. Either way try again.

Instructions unclear. Got dick stuck in time machine

[Adam Strange]

Today I went on a date with a girl I met on the internet. She looked chubby in her profile pic so I wasn't expecting much but actually she was really cute and in shape. From my interactions with her online, her profile pic and her ample use of emojis I typed her as ESE. But upon further inspection I'm suspecting she may be SEI-Fe. The last time I was my usual lecherous ILE self in a first date it backfired, so I decided to go for a more "gentleman" attitude like LII. Anyways she suggested I take her to my place so she could "give me a massage" and I declined because I am mega retarded and took the gentleman act too far and also because I still live with my mom. Now she won't reply to my texts anymore. Wut do?

In this order,

1.) Stop living with your mom, otherwise known as “Get your own place.”
2.) Keep dating.

This last female may or may not be lost to you, but you need to keep trying. Without a woman in their lives, male NT’s tend to look bizarre and scarily eccentric, and ILEs are the worst.

Single LIIs simply vanish from society, ILIs get into guns and paranoia, and LIEs descend into depression and inaction, but ILEs end up living alone in a trailer on the edge of town, repairing typewriters or some equally eccentric and unprofitable way of making the rent payment.
So get that female Dual.

*EDIT*
I am by no means an expert on Alpha SF females, but I’ve had a lot of experience dating and just talking to people, and my impression of Alpha SF women (which is probably wrong in detail but is just my impression) is that they are social, sensing feelers in an NT world and hence are driven to form stable relationships but have been told by society that they suck at everything. This makes them want to connect but sensitive to criticism and rejection.

So, your first priority has to be to accept and like them, and not
1. ignore them.
2. reject them in the slightest way.
3. Try to tell them that you are really a super-genius and they aren’t very smart and the fact that you’re living with your mom is just your way of keeping your true identity secret from the Galactic Overlords who will need to eliminate YOU if they are ever going to conquer Earth.
4. Criticize them IN ANY WAY because you’re feeling insecure that day and they don’t fight back, they just leave.
5. Fail to tell them that you like them in a truthful way, because they can tell what you really mean better than you, yourself, know. So don’t lie.

Anyway, good luck. Dating gets easier with practice and as we become less defensive and more fun to be around.

[End]

Dating apps can be stressful. Meeting a man you don’t know can be scary, they are often very forward and you feel like they’re trying to trick you into sleeping with them. (Even if it’s just crossed wires/ they’re a bit..immature). And sometimes you just feel really bad that you got someone’s hopes up, when you decide you don’t like them. My new plan is to do only casual first ‘dates’. Somewhere simple, not too much time together. I don’t even want to call it a date, until I decide I am interested.

I thought I was the only one who felt like this. The last date I ever went on the whole time I was suspicious that this guy was trying to get me to go home with him.

Yet more confirmation of my theories. This is typical female thinking (in a good way) mixed with bad attachment. Like seeks like (i.e. the broken seek the broken) so the dudes you're meeting really are trying to get you to let them fuck you ASAP. This is what dudes with bad attachment go for because broken dudes see sex as an expression of acceptance and respect as well as fulfilling a physical need (dudes need sex, simple as). They are desperate for this but, like with most everything relating to bad attachment, they've gotten very good at lying to themselves and others as well as seeking out ways to get their needs met in all the wrong ways.

I've posted one of these vids elsewhere but it's relevant so I'll post it again. The second one is also relevant. Especially for the ladies:

[Aquamarine]

Today I went on a date with a girl I met on the internet. She looked chubby in her profile pic so I wasn't expecting much but actually she was really cute and in shape. From my interactions with her online, her profile pic and her ample use of emojis I typed her as ESE. But upon further inspection I'm suspecting she may be SEI-Fe. The last time I was my usual lecherous ILE self in a first date it backfired, so I decided to go for a more "gentleman" attitude like LII. Anyways she suggested I take her to my place so she could "give me a massage" and I declined because I am mega retarded and took the gentleman act too far and also because I still live with my mom. Now she won't reply to my texts anymore. Wut do?

Forget her. That's the only thing you can do.

[MissDucki]

Today I went on a date with a girl I met on the internet. She looked chubby in her profile pic so I wasn't expecting much but actually she was really cute and in shape. From my interactions with her online, her profile pic and her ample use of emojis I typed her as ESE. But upon further inspection I'm suspecting she may be SEI-Fe. The last time I was my usual lecherous ILE self in a first date it backfired, so I decided to go for a more "gentleman" attitude like LII. Anyways she suggested I take her to my place so she could "give me a massage" and I declined because I am mega retarded and took the gentleman act too far and also because I still live with my mom. Now she won't reply to my texts anymore. Wut do?

She seemed to only want the banana.....Not a bad thing if you too wish to have made a wonderful banana bread! (bad puns I know....) Forget her and find another wonderful girl that is a better match! Keep putting yourself out there buddy boy!

[Great]

Today I went on a date with a girl I met on the internet. She looked chubby in her profile pic so I wasn't expecting much but actually she was really cute and in shape. From my interactions with her online, her profile pic and her ample use of emojis I typed her as ESE. But upon further inspection I'm suspecting she may be SEI-Fe. The last time I was my usual lecherous ILE self in a first date it backfired, so I decided to go for a more "gentleman" attitude like LII. Anyways she suggested I take her to my place so she could "give me a massage" and I declined because I am mega retarded and took the gentleman act too far and also because I still live with my mom. Now she won't reply to my texts anymore. Wut do?

I've done this before.

[Adam Strange]

I've done this before.

I went to a party about four years ago and ended up talking to this woman for an hour or two in an upstairs bedroom. She said she was a massage therapist and she’d love to give me a massage sometime. I was flattered but she was SLE and so I told her thanks, but massages really do nothing for me.

I am not (usually) mega-retarded, but I am Si-PoLR and not desperate.

[Great]

I went to a party about four years ago and ended up talking to this woman for an hour or two in an upstairs bedroom. She said she was a massage therapist and she’d love to give me a massage sometime. I was flattered but she was SLE and so I told her thanks, but massages really do nothing for me.

I am not (usually) mega-retarded, but I am Si-PoLR and not desperate.

This was before I learned of socionics. She was also SLE. I kinda regret not massaging her.

[Adam Strange]

I’m always surprised at how good I feel about myself, and the world in general, after having spent a few hours, even platonically, with a Dual.

[Adam Strange]

This was before I learned of socionics. She was also SLE. I kinda regret not massaging her.

I know an ESI who dated an SLE for a while. It didn’t turn out well.

Sometimes, the One Who Got Away should have gotten away.

And even though SLE females are Aggressors to my Victim, I’ve never been sexually attracted to one.

[The Banana King]

In this order,

1.) Stop living with your mom, otherwise known as “Get your own place.”
2.) Keep dating.

This last female may or may not be lost to you, but you need to keep trying. Without a woman in their lives, male NT’s tend to look bizarre and scarily eccentric, and ILEs are the worst.

Single LIIs simply vanish from society, ILIs get into guns and paranoia, and LIEs descend into depression and inaction, but ILEs end up living alone in a trailer on the edge of town, repairing typewriters or some equally eccentric and unprofitable way of making the rent payment.
So get that female Dual.

*EDIT*
I am by no means an expert on Alpha SF females, but I’ve had a lot of experience dating and just talking to people, and my impression of Alpha SF women (which is probably wrong in detail but is just my impression) is that they are social, sensing feelers in an NT world and hence are driven to form stable relationships but have been told by society that they suck at everything. This makes them want to connect but sensitive to criticism and rejection.

So, your first priority has to be to accept and like them, and not
1. ignore them.
2. reject them in the slightest way.
3. Try to tell them that you are really a super-genius and they aren’t very smart and the fact that you’re living with your mom is just your way of keeping your true identity secret from the Galactic Overlords who will need to eliminate YOU if they are ever going to conquer Earth.
4. Criticize them IN ANY WAY because you’re feeling insecure that day and they don’t fight back, they just leave.
5. Fail to tell them that you like them in a truthful way, because they can tell what you really mean better than you, yourself, know. So don’t lie.

Anyway, good luck. Dating gets easier with practice and as we become less defensive and more fun to be around.

This is great advice, thanks Adam Although it's not possible for me to stop living with mum because rent is too expensive for both of us. Might take me a few years until I can get a job that pays enough to support her while I get my own place.

It sounds a bit dramatic coming from an sx-first but as another sx-first I can relate very much. Loneliness drives me nuts and although I don't think relationships are the solution to all my problems, I do feel more energetic and "purpose" in life when I am with someone.

I guess I'll try to be more honest with SEI from now on. I think I am accepting enough, but I am afraid of not being accepted so I end up putting an act without realizing...

By the way, she talked to me again and now we're gonna meet again next weekend lol. By sheer number of smiley and lovey emojis I guess she isn't upset after all. All's well that ends well.

[End]

In this order,

1.) Stop living with your mom, otherwise known as “Get your own place.”
2.) Keep dating.

This last female may or may not be lost to you, but you need to keep trying. Without a woman in their lives, male NT’s tend to look bizarre and scarily eccentric, and ILEs are the worst.

Single LIIs simply vanish from society, ILIs get into guns and paranoia, and LIEs descend into depression and inaction, but ILEs end up living alone in a trailer on the edge of town, repairing typewriters or some equally eccentric and unprofitable way of making the rent payment.
So get that female Dual.

*EDIT*
I am by no means an expert on Alpha SF females, but I’ve had a lot of experience dating and just talking to people, and my impression of Alpha SF women (which is probably wrong in detail but is just my impression) is that they are social, sensing feelers in an NT world and hence are driven to form stable relationships but have been told by society that they suck at everything. This makes them want to connect but sensitive to criticism and rejection.

So, your first priority has to be to accept and like them, and not
1. ignore them.
2. reject them in the slightest way.
3. Try to tell them that you are really a super-genius and they aren’t very smart and the fact that you’re living with your mom is just your way of keeping your true identity secret from the Galactic Overlords who will need to eliminate YOU if they are ever going to conquer Earth.
4. Criticize them IN ANY WAY because you’re feeling insecure that day and they don’t fight back, they just leave.
5. Fail to tell them that you like them in a truthful way, because they can tell what you really mean better than you, yourself, know. So don’t lie.

Anyway, good luck. Dating gets easier with practice and as we become less defensive and more fun to be around.

I generally agree with your advice and much of your perspectives @Adam Strange, but here I'm going to have to disagree with you with a slight degree of vehemence. I'd invert your initial advice. That is, I'd put "keep dating" first and "getting your own place" second. With a caveat that getting one's "own place" is a matter of perspective and from mine you can have it for peanuts. Side note: I've almost accumulated enough of those to get mine going and am about to start dating seriously (I.e. Dual/Wife seeking) for once in my life. Still betting on the assertive SEE tomboy loving bully end because my tells me that's my fate. Again, not my "perfect" end but an end I can live with and accept. Never let the perfect become the enemy of the good after all.

You are right about ILI's like me, guns and paranoia is the game plan if we think we're utterly fucked and never land a dual in our social circles. I lucked out and got my SEE bro but that's a rabbit hole I'd rather pursue elsewhere.

There is a sliver of truth to be found in that mindset however. Minimalist living executed to a perfection only an introvert with is capable of that is fully mobile in all the ways that'd matter is a thing you can and should do if able and you can make it work no matter how fucked up your finances are relatively speaking once you've "primed the pump" as it were. That is, once you've acquired the basic level of money/resources to make the relevant purchases you're a free man who can potentially be free of any obligations others try to force upon you as you have hacked the system. Any Gamma worth their status as one knows of the concept of "Fuck You" money. Well, turns out it's way, way, easier to get to that zenith of achievement than ya think!

The book (whose author is the IRL version of "The Dude" in the looks department) that spelled that out for me was "Vanabode: Travel and Live Forever on 20$ a Day". A properly constructed Vanabode is a place of one's own I'd argue. Fully mobile. Easily attainable (relatively speaking). And will keep you alive for peanuts a day once attained. A bit of gas in the winter, a shady parking spot in the summer, and just living/grocery shopping in a low cost of living area like rural America. 20-30 bucks or so a day once all the initial purchases have been made.

As for that last line, well, attachment. All types get less defensive and more fun to be around in proportion to how well they have resolved their attachment issues. To give a recent example of some random thought I had. Assume the existence of a naive SEE who lacks most any attachment issues somehow. She will come up with a "great" solution to a problem, but she will also utterly fail to realize both how/why that solution works so well and how/why it was/is also suicidality reckless when executed as a solo entity (i.e. by themselves).

Poor dumb girl is living in an ideal world where good men rebuke her and bad men try to take advantage of her so obviously it hurts. However, she somehow gets that and ends up standing up several PUA's and other desperate victim types who were all to ready to have an ONS with her. Her filter is accurate, but it is also putting her own chastity and life in danger because of how she's just brute forcing a solution to a problem far more nuanced than she's likely to consider.

The issues are mirrored as it were. Male NT's can get rather creepy and eccentric if they fail to meet their dual. What about the Female SF's? I can imagine a great deal of male repelling crazy that could potentially emanate from them. A crazy that is only amplified in the most tragic sense by attachment issues...

[Adam Strange]

This is great advice, thanks Adam Although it's not possible for me to stop living with mum because rent is too expensive for both of us. Might take me a few years until I can get a job that pays enough to support her while I get my own place.

It sounds a bit dramatic coming from an sx-first but as another sx-first I can relate very much. Loneliness drives me nuts and although I don't think relationships are the solution to all my problems, I do feel more energetic and "purpose" in life when I am with someone.

I guess I'll try to be more honest with SEI from now on. I think I am accepting enough, but I am afraid of not being accepted so I end up putting an act without realizing...

By the way, she talked to me again and now we're gonna meet again next weekend lol. By sheer number of smiley and lovey emojis I guess she isn't upset after all. All's well that ends well.

@The Banana King, my advice was tailored for you (ILE). You really need your own place, and the sooner you can get it, the better for everyone.

I’m glad she came back. To be honest, I thought there was a good possibility of that.

Also, I’d take it slow if I were you, but not glacially slow. Some women hide the “crazy” pretty well and it can take some time to see it, but everything happens at a certain pace, and if you delay too long, you will miss your flight.

Maybe the best thing to come out of this so far is that you realize that you have to be yourself. A true Dual NEEDS you to be yourself, because your being anyone else only makes you worse.

Good luck!