Do they usually compliment eachother, or do Sx/??'s end up wanting more?
Do they usually compliment eachother, or do Sx/??'s end up wanting more?
I think it depends on how large the amount of experienced solitude manifests in the sx-seconds. As in touching for example.
My deepest and most mind-blowing relationships were with Sx first folks, but I think if I'm really "in love", I can provide enough relational energy to keep things interesting with some other stack, too. I don't know what that translates into on a longer-term ...For instance, I've never actually lived with someone belonging in another stack, so I cannot tell if there's not enough communication, too many selfishly held barriers etc. My current bf is so/sp and if there are things standing in the way of complete happiness, they have to do with his being a fluctuating and sometimes inconsistent Se base rather than with the stack imo. But well, I guess I'm not as addicted to intensity as I was in my early 20s anymore lol. At least I'm not as turned on by complicated and near-dangerous relationships at this point.
Last edited by Amber; 11-29-2014 at 02:42 PM.
I know of an sx first/sx second couple who are adorable and happy together. An sx-second may be more keep to yourself or about the group than an sx first, so it may or may not affect things. The guy even questioned being sx last at one point. Some people have said that opposite variant stackings can be a good match. I am not sure if I would want to date someone with the same variants as me... but you never know unless you have tried it.
it really depends, I've heard some sx people say that they wouldn't want to date an sx-second or sx last because they can't give them what they need.
The only guy I ever dated was an sx-dom and it didn't end well, due to my lack of sx and experience in relationships. Also, I didn't quite have what he needed. I myself am not sure what kind of stacking would be a good partner for me to date...
xII se PoLR, 9w1-5w4-2w3 sp/so
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essentially...
me: *is traumatized & Too Much 24/7*
sx-second: *stays but stares like they’re watching a car accident bc they started dating me thinking i was cute & special*
・゚*✧ 𝓘 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝒶𝒸𝒸𝑒𝓅𝓉 𝒶 𝓁𝒾𝒻𝑒 𝓘 𝒹𝑜 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝒹𝑒𝓈𝑒𝓇𝓋𝑒 ✧*:・゚
IMO... SX first is either anxious or fearful attachment style. SX second is secure and SX blind spot is avoidant.
I find non secure people to be too suffocating and dependent on their partners, they also come with a lot of baggage and mental issues stemming from how they were raised by their own parents. I'm secure myself, my parents have a 35 year old successful mariage and are kinda like good friends of mine rather than parents. Dad is like a beta-provider stereotype and mom hates conflict and coercive aggressive ppl so they seem to fit well together. It seems me and my bro were raised well, we are both secure aka comfortable both alone and in relationships where intimacy is required, provided I actually have feelings for the other person.
Relationship styles: https://www.attachmentproject.com/bl...chment-styles/
Last edited by SGF; 04-14-2021 at 06:54 AM.
Do you mean this in a categorical way? In my experience, it seems like attachment style can impact the overall health of one's instincts, but I don't know if it would always neatly correlate with their placement. I definitely agree in general that there's often a connection--but I have fearful attachment for example, and I'm still an so/sx (and I've known some other people like this too). I guess maybe it'd flavor how that sx can be demonstrated(?), making it more likely that that someone who does have insecure attachment would end up being sx-first or -last as a result. I'm not sure though :)
SX basically means being an intimacy junkie that is codependent and feels inadequate when alone. Its not exactly as gr8 as ppl often make it out to be. I'm SO first and I struggled with social anxiety early on due to being socially hyper-aware.
The enneagram is in it's entirety about unhealthy behavior. Your type for example is determined by fears and motivations. Instinctual subtype is not different.
EDIT: I could see a possibility of SX being secure, but that would mean feeling ok and adequate when not in a relationship and that isn't SX. They absolutely need their partner and put extra effort in being attractive and intense for this purpose.
Last edited by SGF; 04-14-2021 at 08:10 AM.
・゚*✧ 𝓘 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝒶𝒸𝒸𝑒𝓅𝓉 𝒶 𝓁𝒾𝒻𝑒 𝓘 𝒹𝑜 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝒹𝑒𝓈𝑒𝓇𝓋𝑒 ✧*:・゚
It depends on where you put instincts and how you limit them.
I also think all 4 attachment styles are toxic and annoying. Yes, all of them, including the secure one.
Defining sx as needing a lover is exactly why sx gets romanticized, most people want a lover. It's the social norm to long for a lover and it makes sense to have one for safety reasons.
...
I had more to write but my mind went blank, dayum.
All of this sexual maturity and adult topics stuff could be a generalization, but to be ready to explode, or reverse engine prime calculations, and send the earth hurling like a meteor out of a spaghetti balls meal could be quite the catch!!
I guess essentially, sexual second is more of a fun loving or goofball thing, but sexual first is all fire and ice.
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It depends on the sx-second
sp/sx: Something's always held too much in reserve. They tease me with the possibility of some internal spark of reactivity and impactful experience that lies within, but it's actively quelled. My impulse is to dig deeper and immerse myself in what experiences they have to share, but it's always cut short and leaves me high and dry.
so/sx: They're usually fun to be around and chat with for a short amount of time, but after a while it gets to be too draining. It's like their minds race too quickly for me to settle into what really makes them tick. "Check out this cool thing I can talk about" can only go on for so long until I just run out of energy to care.