Family issuez - counseling?

[Creepy-female]

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[Scapegrace]

Why do you still talk to them? My family sort of did that to me when they were alive. If they were still alive I probably wouldn't speak to them at all. What the hell use is it to have a bunch of useless as people in your life who make you feel like shit? Who cares if you're related. Fuck them.

[Kim]

I hate to say it, and I love my family, but distance works best for me.

[SyrupDeGem]

Boundaries Dolphin. Take some time thinking through some boundaries that will work for you, make them very clear and stick to them. I had to do it myself recently with a family member, they rebelled at first... it's like making rles for children...behaviour habits are learned and if we do not make it clear to people what it and is not ok, and show them that consistantly...then they continue with the patterns.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Like Joss Whedon, I believe in found families more then I believe in blood. So I think realistically the only choice might be to like psychologically detach, if they are always going to find some way to manipulate your above average heartfelt perspective.

Gain complete financial independence, find out the place *you* want to live and what you wanna do without tied up to relationships - because it's your life. There's no shame in cutting the ties if they can't meet you halfway and if they dump everything on you just because you're the kind compassionate one.

[Beautiful sky]

1. Go for education... pick a place you may want to go away for college. This way you can live in the dorm so that you may slowly build a purpose and distance at the same time.
If you can't afford it go for a student loan. That's what it's for...don't worry about paying it back right away. Use it, take advantage of the opportunity. That's what it's for.

^Good start.

[uniden]

Ehhhhh

It's pretty much the only way. Moving out. Even if the house comes with a lock on your door--and they somehow don't get super pissed about you using it--you're still under their roof. Attempts to establish any sort of boundaries is taken as an affront to their "authority." For whatever reason, it doesn't register for some parents to treat their children as actual people once they've grown. They need a wake-up call. Like, YOUR door from YOUR place shutting in their face when they've crossed your clearly established boundaries. Or just hanging up the phone when they've called you at the comfort of your own home to give you a hard time.

Cause, you know, parents are perfectly content on banging on your bedroom door. But, yelling and banging on the front door of someone else's home? That's something only mad men do, and they know it. That realization that they are the ones who have to step out of line in a major way to give you a hard time is the reality they need.

Okay storytime. My father used to frequently call me and give me a hard time about one thing or another. One day, however, I was having a real bad time then he calls and decides to add to it. When it rains it pours, right? WELL NOT THIS TIME. When he kept going and going I just hung up the phone on him. And ignored his calls. Fast forward a bit he finds me at my nephews birthday party and we talked. It had been much better after that. Until one day where I got a cat. And I needed a place to stay where I could keep her. A place like my dad's place. My god how quickly he reverted. I stared transferring my stuff back to my car when I found another place to stay, and he stood in the door to block my path. With that look on his face that said "Really? Is that how it is?" Yeah really asshole step out of the way I'm not going to put up with this. But, no I was far more cordial than that.

It's really hard and scary putting your foot down on family. Family who take you for granted and do whatever they do to you and expect you to take it your whole life. Cause that's parent's and their special privilege. You have to teach them if they want to spend any time with you it has to be on your terms. The only way to do that is if you have your own place. And if that's not enough well they are probably a lost cause.

[LauriesCrusador]

Well, the only thing one can do at this point is whatever one needs to do to bring oneself the greatest peace of mind in the long run. Asking oneself whether one would have any regrets if they died tomorrow could also be a helpful exercise. One also needs to realize that they are only being themselves and that one can't change who they are or their behavior. One can't make them want to change if they don't want to. All one can do is change the way one interacts with them to possibly get them to realize things on their own. Otherwise, one either has to cut all ties or has to learn to view them not as ones family, but the way a psychologist would observe them – with a detached fascination ... so that one manages to stay out of the insane asylum. Basically, as egoistic as this sounds but one needs to focus on oneself because the only one one can change here is oneself, and it's about ones mental health at some point.

[Iris]

Well it is suppossd to be good to communicate, but agree with @Kim that there are times when a little distance really helps. Absence makes the heart grow fonder