Quasi-Identical Relations: Stories and Experiences

[silke]

My survey of quasi-identical threads on Rus. speaking socionics forums left me with an impression that introverted Quasi types are able to coexist, but there's some disengagement and disaffection between them, lack of synergy and energy (e.g. "returning home each heads to his or her own corner"). While among extroverted types Quasi relations are much more explosive and don't last as long even as friendships. These were a few stories posted by IEI-EII and LSI-SLI long-term couples who were able to make their relationships work out, but I don't remember seeing any stories of extroverted couples of Quasi types living together. Friendships between introverts Quasis are also quite common.

Gulenko has mentioned that Quasi-Identical types view each other as benefactors, hence in the beginning Quasis may admire and over-value each other, be extra friendly and receptive (unlike benefit, however, these relations don't feel asymmetric). Each person excels at something that is out of reach for another, thus initially one's quasi-identical is quite impressive. It is only later that these relations become irritating and annoying.

One of the reasons for this growing irritation is a lot of time gets wasted in trying to persuade each other in what feels like the obvious to you. Sometimes you and your Quasi actually agree and have same values, but the way your Quasi puts it is not easy for you to understand. This creates a faux-disagreement, which is not really a disagreement but a problem in how you and your Quasi have phrased things. Once you have managed to understand that they were saying, you may discover you were saying the same thing. There was no disagreement from the very beginning. However, getting to that point, having to decipher what Quasi-Identical is saying, takes up too much mental energy and feels draining, not to mention loss of time, to the point where there is no wish to get into deeper discussions and arguments with them, or even read what they have written (in case of Quasi authors). However, this very instance that Quasis communicate so differently may initially create a "veil of mystery" and push them to connect and get to know each other.



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I'll translate something tomorrow from the QI discussion threads and post it here.

Edit: These are some of the more informative posts on QI relations discussions from the Russian socionics forums. If I see any others and have time to translate them I'll add them on at this link: Wikisocion - Quasi-Identical Relations


To summarize the positives and negatives of QI relations.

The positives:

• Quasi types are in the same club and on the same side of "Aristocatic - Democratic" dichotomy. This creates some commonality in how friendships are formed and how discussions are approached, making it easy to start a conversation. The Quasi seems like a non-threatening yet interesting conversation partner.
• Victor Gulenko has described quasi-identical relations as "mutual execution of the request" which means that Quasis seem similar to Benefactors. This means that at least initially there could be admiration of one's Quasi, a sense that he is talented in some inaccessible and unachievable to oneself way. The Quasi may seem interesting from a distance with an illusory feeling of similarity and oddness about the other person, which is intriguing. Thus the Quasi seems to be gifted in a way that you are not, and yet they are so similar to you (and often play the same social role).
• In quasi-identical relations people are motivated to become more outgoing. Gulenko classifies Quasi-identity relations as "extroverted", meaning that they improve in presence of external influences.
• These relations work well with the same "arrangement" as Conflict relations: division of responsibilities, territory, chores, finances, i.e. clear differentiation of "yours-mine", such that Quasis are able to do things separately from each other and run into fewer misunderstandings in the process. This cultivates personal qualities tied to responsibility and self-reliance in both.
• Static / Dynamic trait coincides. One partner (static) brings stability to these relations, while the other (dynamic) introduces more continuity and flow to their experience.
• Tactical / Strategic trait also coincides. One of the partners sets an objective, while the other comes up with the methods of getting there (provided that both agree on the goal). Having common goals is a very important factor in keeping these relations together.

The negatives of Quasi-Identical Relations:

• Many of those who have experienced these relations commented that they are more suitable for light conversation and leisure discussions, and that it's better to not meet every day. Deeper engagement and discussion prompt Quasis to realize how different they really are, which creates a distance between them. At worst, this spills out into small-scale conflicts and bickering and futile attempts to persuade the other to change his point of view; at best - a kind of bemusement and disbelief in the other's point of view ("heh, he/she can't be serious...").
• When more serious discussions do happen, QI partners can't make much headway in terms of persuading each another. There is a sense of beating one's head against a wall, that the other person simply doesn't get it no matter how well you explain yourself. At the same time, QI partner's reasoning seems besides the point, his arguments seem insubstantial, lacking in weight and persuasive power, sometimes confusing, seemingly only tangential to the situation, which prompts Quasis to dismiss each other's arguments.
• After a lengthy interaction, a sense of boredom, annoyance, and stagnation in friendship or relations begins to accumulate. Quasis expand excessive energy in trying to explain themselves and understand each other, such that there's a feeling of being drained or "extinguished" in a sense after such conversations. If this is a romantic pairing, one or both of them may feel that there is no forward momentum and no sufficient spark in their relationship. These relations in romantic form are more acceptable for older people who value stability and who don't have other options.
• If Quasi-identical relations have taken a downturn (which is more common at work, where Quasis may compete for the same role/position in a group), there may be devaluation of each other's intellectual abilities and potential, attempts at discreditation, nagging criticisms, disbelief that anyone would listen to this person and take them seriously, feelings of envy, jealousy and amazement when one's QI partner is successful, receives praise and awards, and earns the trust and ear of other people. In some cases, this prompts suspicions of foul play on their part, that they are being disingenuous, simply faking it or lying to others. Thus quasis may suspect or even openly accuse each other of cheating, because they can't clearly see each other's motivations or follow each other's reasoning.
• Differences in Rationality / Irrationality let themselves be known in these relations. Rationals voice more complaints in this regard.
• Differences in Process / Result trait also manifest. Process types are less accommodating at close personal distances but more accommodating at large personal distances. The reverse is true of Result types (more about this). To put it succinctly: one's quasi-identical's manner of interaction is different from what one expects. Result types tend to resent their Process type partners for being kinder and more yielding around strangers and 'outsides', while being harsher with them in close company.
• There are differences in romancing and courting styles. Sensing couples ("aggressor"-"caregiver") were more vocal about these incompatibilities than Intuitive pairs ("victim"-"childlike"). The later seemed to mostly overlook this possibly due to weak sensing.