I have always been drawn to introverts. Assuming that the opposite is true, what do you introvert guys like in extraverts? I just don't see it
this goes out to all introverts, not just the cool ass delta ones
Introverts, what do you see in extroverts?
I have always been drawn to introverts. Assuming that the opposite is true, what do you introvert guys like in extraverts? I just don't see it
this goes out to all introverts, not just the cool ass delta ones
n00bIEE
Everything. Someone to motivate me, get me excited, initiate things, bring me out of my shell...need I go on? Hard for me to see how you couldn't be attracted to someone like that but I guess we're all different.
IEEs are uber sweet people-people who need realistic protection and someone to be more conservative (in terms of energy/time) and practical minded -- they need you!
I guess that might be the appeal, but I still don't really see it. heh I mean, I can go into SPECIFICS when it comes to describing what in introverts that attract meOriginally Posted by jessica129
YES! qft When it comes to what the IEE likes it all about Si though
n00bIEE
I agree! God bless 'em. Wish I could do that.
ISTp
SLI
Enneagram 5 with a side of wings.
The one thing that comes to mind if we're talking about all extraverts is energy level. I like people who are very energetic, but I do go more towards more controlled energy (Ej ?).
I find myself very attracted to introverts but in the long run, it never works for me. When you're as solitary as I, you really can sit back and breathe a sign of relief when the spotlight isn't on you and you can just be yourself. I'd be curious as to why extroverts are attracted to introverts.
Rational energy.
As opposed to all over the place irrational EPs, with Se bumping into things and Ne going all over the place.
They initiate, and make me more comfortable initiating as well. They do things, and I like to do things with people but I am never the one to put it together. IEEs in particular often say the things I think and feel but would never articulate, and that makes me feel very comfortable.
EII
4w5, sp/sx
It's odd, but somewhere along the line I did an almost 180 degree shift in this regard. I used to be very shy, and would never really express how I felt about things, wasn't really affectionate with anybody, not even my family. I blame this on insecurities I had, and it was like I felt trapped, thinking that this is not me. I just wasn't comfortable saying the things that I was feeling and thinking about because I didn't "sense" it in my environment. It's like the things in my head weren't "normal," when really it's just that I tend to look for deeper meanings to things. It was like I was going to be imposing something new to my environment/people, was going to stand out, and I didn't like it... I didn't want to come off as weird, which is why I didn't say/do anything. Sometimes having people initiate things, like talk about something deep or ask you to do something, doesn't really help you grow in confidence, because it's like you're feeding off of them in a way. I think that for EIIs the problem is in eliminating the illogical fear of "taking up space," because you might be contributing something that is very important and that might be appreciated. It's having something in your mind and releasing it, without having any validation in the environment that it is going to be accepted, and getting over the fear of imposing something "out there," that will definitely cause a reaction, be it good or bad to the other people. This has always been my inner demon, and the more I make it a point to initiate and simply "express," the better I feel.
I remember that when I was kid I used to think about death for example, and I never talked about it with my parents or friends, because I thought that it was going to depress them. I've never liked to affect people's moods negatively, without a regard to my own "needs" I guess. This made me mentally stronger, but it trapped me in some kind of mental block. Getting to some kind of point here (), I can simply say that the best thing that someone could do to me, even though it's not an easy path, is to help me reach my goal of extroverting my "inner world," and really that's my goal in life. I want to be entirely connected to the things happening around me, have my presence felt, and have control over it. It's a work in progress, but I think I've made substantial improvements from my early days. This is why it repulses me in a way when I read Socionics duality articles in how you just depend completely on the other person for things. I want to grow, I don't want to have someone cover my weaknesses... Sure, I'd be comfortable, but I bet I'd be happier in developing my strengths and weaknesses.
this and the other stuff mentioned so far, to me, just doesn't sound as that muchIt's not like I'm trivializing whats been said, its prolly the other way around. But you guys don't seem to ask for much. I guess other extraverts will agree with me on this. LOL you make attracting you guys seem like a walk in the park
I mean, all the extravert has to do is what they normally would do...
AHH EUREKA MOMENT
On a second thought, thinking about it I'm not sure this holds in the real world? It can't be as simple as that? or can it
Another question. Are you mostly attracted to extraverts or are you equally attracted to introverts?
n00bIEE
I know it doesn't seem like that much to you. That's how I feel when people describe why introverts or EIIs are needed. Doesn't seem like it's all that world-changing.this and the other stuff mentioned so far, to me, just doesn't sound as that much
On a second thought, thinking about it I'm not sure this holds in the real world? It can't be as simple as that? or can it
Another question. Are you mostly attracted to extraverts or are you equally attracted to introverts?
I am more attracted to introverts, because I am more likely to wonder what is going on with them and I can imagine all kinds of wonderful inner lives they may not really be leading. Talking to other introverts can be boring and difficult, but the initial attraction is stronger.
EII
4w5, sp/sx
for one thing, introverts are usually really, really good listeners. That matches well with people who enjoy talking on and on. Also, introverts are calming to extroverts scattered energy. Also introverts aren't usually as caught up in being in the spotlight and concerned about how they are appearing and all of the silly drama that goes along with that, so they have energy to do/think more interesting things.
In addition, introverts don't talk as often as extroverts. So when they DO talk it is unusual and makes the extrovert really interested what they are saying. Where as, other extroverts talk constantly so extroverts zone out.
Introverts also think about things more deeply and take that one-on-one time more seriously, where as other extroverts are planning the next party and so you don't feel your relationship is as special.
Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)
for some reason reading this was really soothing. I dunno - something about the wording or something? I didn't even get the meaning until I was done reading it, but I totally get it. weird brain moment
ha i'm totally ranting, but to get to the point, I totally agree with you Danielle
it's interesting how you also find introverts more attractive initially. I had this great theory that Introverts were naturally more attracted to extroverts and vice versa, but that seems that it was all that it was: theory ha ha
It's freaky. I just read the stuff you wrote again, and it's still really calming to me. Ha ha maybe I'm just tired or something. Almost felt like a Si moment. Can I ask tou something? Are you by any chance a really calm person?
n00bIEE
Wait, what? Personally I think IEEs are the best listeners out there. Or maybe best conversationalists. Mixture of the two. Yep.
so true.
ISTp
SLI
Enneagram 5 with a side of wings.
I can relate to just about all of this. It's like an avoidance complex, the constant fear of wondering what will happen if this or that is said or done, so instead, avoid to divert the possibility of the bad consequences, thus also the possibility of good ones are passed by. Which than just turns into regrets and more avoidance...It's odd, but somewhere along the line I did an almost 180 degree shift in this regard. I used to be very shy, and would never really express how I felt about things, wasn't really affectionate with anybody, not even my family. I blame this on insecurities I had, and it was like I felt trapped, thinking that this is not me. I just wasn't comfortable saying the things that I was feeling and thinking about because I didn't "sense" it in my environment. It's like the things in my head weren't "normal," when really it's just that I tend to look for deeper meanings to things. It was like I was going to be imposing something new to my environment/people, was going to stand out, and I didn't like it... I didn't want to come off as weird, which is why I didn't say/do anything. Sometimes having people initiate things, like talk about something deep or ask you to do something, doesn't really help you grow in confidence, because it's like you're feeding off of them in a way. I think that for EIIs the problem is in eliminating the illogical fear of "taking up space," because you might be contributing something that is very important and that might be appreciated. It's having something in your mind and releasing it, without having any validation in the environment that it is going to be accepted, and getting over the fear of imposing something "out there," that will definitely cause a reaction, be it good or bad to the other people. This has always been my inner demon, and the more I make it a point to initiate and simply "express," the better I feel.
I remember that when I was kid I used to think about death for example, and I never talked about it with my parents or friends, because I thought that it was going to depress them. I've never liked to affect people's moods negatively, without a regard to my own "needs" I guess. This made me mentally stronger, but it trapped me in some kind of mental block. Getting to some kind of point here (
I'm not sure what effect duality would have on diminishing such complexes as I never experienced it, but I would imagine just being around someone who appreciated and supported you would naturally help with personal growth, since a lot of complexes seem to stem from the feeling that you're not good enough or needing to be "fixed"
EII INFj
Forum status: retired
Yes,, we are. However, we also talk. A LOT. We listen to other people well, yet...WOW can we ramble!!! Have you seen my long rambly posts? Now just imagine if I didn't have to type that. IEEs HAVE to share our amazing insights about how we realized X and Y and Z because we saw a stray cat which reminded us of when we were going through a harder time and it strengthened us for the experience and now, blah blah blah. And so on.
It doesn't mean we're not good at listening, but we really value being iistened to. Which is one of many things introverts rock at.
Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)
*points*
EIIs can ramble too. I suppose it takes an extravert to push in and get them to actually put their thoughts out there too.It's odd, but somewhere along the line I did an almost 180 degree shift in this regard. I used to be very shy, and would never really express how I felt about things, wasn't really affectionate with anybody, not even my family. I blame this on insecurities I had, and it was like I felt trapped, thinking that this is not me. I just wasn't comfortable saying the things that I was feeling and thinking about because I didn't "sense" it in my environment. It's like the things in my head weren't "normal," when really it's just that I tend to look for deeper meanings to things. It was like I was going to be imposing something new to my environment/people, was going to stand out, and I didn't like it... I didn't want to come off as weird, which is why I didn't say/do anything. Sometimes having people initiate things, like talk about something deep or ask you to do something, doesn't really help you grow in confidence, because it's like you're feeding off of them in a way. I think that for EIIs the problem is in eliminating the illogical fear of "taking up space," because you might be contributing something that is very important and that might be appreciated. It's having something in your mind and releasing it, without having any validation in the environment that it is going to be accepted, and getting over the fear of imposing something "out there," that will definitely cause a reaction, be it good or bad to the other people. This has always been my inner demon, and the more I make it a point to initiate and simply "express," the better I feel.
I remember that when I was kid I used to think about death for example, and I never talked about it with my parents or friends, because I thought that it was going to depress them. I've never liked to affect people's moods negatively, without a regard to my own "needs" I guess. This made me mentally stronger, but it trapped me in some kind of mental block. Getting to some kind of point here (
Wow sereno that could have basically been written about me..word for word...I never thought anyone else felt that way.
I really like how this convo has turned out
This is something I find really interesting
And then thisit was like I felt trapped, thinking that this is not me. I just wasn't comfortable saying the things that I was feeling and thinking about because I didn't "sense" it in my environment. It's like the things in my head weren't "normal," when really it's just that I tend to look for deeper meanings to things. It was like I was going to be imposing something new to my environment/people, was going to stand out, and I didn't like it... I didn't want to come off as weird, which is why I didn't say/do anything.
The funny thing is, I actually feel like you Sereno 49% of the time, believe it or notthe problem is in eliminating the illogical fear of "taking up space," because you might be contributing something that is very important and that might be appreciated. It's having something in your mind and releasing it, without having any validation in the environment that it is going to be accepted, and getting over the fear of imposing something "out there," that will definitely cause a reaction, be it good or bad to the other people
I actually don’t mind standing out and making a fool of myself, though. This may be another reason why I just blurt out whatever is on top of my head.
But I also believe that the more angels you can get on any subject the better. I mean peoples viewpoints and experience, isn’t that what it is all about. To me there is no such thing as a stupid input. I bet lots of ppl here disagree and think of me as a total airhead, but to me all input is potentially valuable. It’s not the articulation that matters to me either, but the contents. And even the most simple input can give a unexpected angle to help shed light on a topic
I had another thing I wanted to post, but sort of got lost. Oh this
This is an excellent example why speaking your mind is always good.
To be totally corny, sharing makes ppl come closer and feel less lonely
Another funny thing is I actually always nod a lot when I read your posts. I like to think that I’m like an EII on the inside, but no one knows cuz it just doesn’t show
Also I feel that you put a lot of thought into your posts, which is something I really appreciate, as my own attention span is 2 sec at the max, so it feels that what you are saying is more thought through. I tend to comment as I read other ppls posts, without any kind of filter
n00bIEE
Extroverts of my liking always get me into new things, give route for my thinking to expand onto new unthought realms (since they're defined as having a wider array of interests), not to mention all of the special benefits of the SEE and Se that I think you're clarifying, aixelsyd. That is something I obviously need. For extroverts, it might as well be the opposite, is that they need specialization of a certain concern. Although sometimes I wonder about myself, where all of the specialization ends up at then end of the day... Opposites do attract, as Bullets says.
i must have missed this
It's interesting that you are attracted by introverts. Danielle mentioned something similar. Know what, I was gonna answer it here, but I'll start another thread heh
n00bIEE
Wow. This. A thousand times this. I still can't do it unless I'm very comfortable with the person I'm talking to,almost to the point where I can understand how they will react. Which somewhat invalidates matters anyway.
Sereno rocks! You introverted guys should say what you think more often
n00bIEE
The problem I have is that when I try to talk about things, I get quite self-conscious about how I'm trying to explain things. The way I see it, my thoughts are like this big clump of tangled up bits of string. They're all linked and related, but generally only one's relevant to the conversation at hand. If I'm slow and careful, I can tease out the right bit of string, lay it out straight and it makes sense. Well, to me at least. But the whole ball made sense as well in my head as well, so that might not matter as much. But anyway, a lot of the time I don't have the liberty of taking my own time with a conversation (ie someone asks me face-to-face about a problem they have with someone) so I have to try and pull it all out quickly. If/when I fuck that up, I just blurt out this wordknot that makes no sense to the other person, and all I can do is give them this helpless look, apologise and change the subject. I used to do it to Khola a lot. ("He likes you because, well, he just does. You can't see it?" "What sort of things?" "... D: *flee*")
But extraverts like helping with knots!
Hmm, then the duality articles you read must be missing something (not surprising). The underlying point of duality is that you both develop psychologically (Rick's talks about this some on his dualization page, I think). If you just grow to use someone else as a replacement, or a crutch, in decision making, that's not really growing, and it's a lesser form of duality. I'm not really sure how to differentiate between the two in terms of what really causes the more healthy psychological development in duality, but it is supposed to be part of it. It's how you become dualized - you're supposed to better be able to understand your dual and relate better to them (and even attract them more) the more you are around them. This involves them influencing (and expanding) your decision making actual psychological development. If I'm overstepping Rick's article then I'll say I'm speaking of myself and my own understandings.I remember that when I was kid I used to think about death for example, and I never talked about it with my parents or friends, because I thought that it was going to depress them. I've never liked to affect people's moods negatively, without a regard to my own "needs" I guess. This made me mentally stronger, but it trapped me in some kind of mental block. Getting to some kind of point here (
This is going to sound ironic or perhaps staged, but, I realize a major part of things for me is connecting my "inner world" to my external world. Minde has brought about various forms of compartmentalization that I had/have, and was the first person to point it out in the way she did. For me it has to do with being able to be so simply task or objective oriented and not having a conscious connection to other things, or even thinking I need one.Getting to some kind of point here (
So while I am not sure it is a "goal in life", I definitely can feel a sense that 'my dual' helps me by connecting my inner and outer worlds. I suspect that the connection process varies for different people or dual/type relationships, (perhaps my comment about compartmentalization might not apply to everyone) but, I suppose I can see a general trend where there is some sort of mutual assistance in terms of completeness (that sounds a bit fairy-tale, so I'm still not so sure how I feel about it... but I do see a bit of something here). "I want to be entirely connected to the things happening around me, have my presence felt, and have control over it" - I feel like that is something that I help EIIs do, really. Particularly in terms of implementation and execution.
PS: (general comments)
As an EII, 'growth', particularly in a relational/relationship sense, should be pretty important. So I can see how the idea of 'mere dependence' would be particularly unappealing. Also, in terms of LSE/EII duality, I've gotten a general sense (even from profiles) that the nature of growth and development over time is particularly important, to the couple and to how the couple functions. I suspect that each dual couple has their own way of going about that, but, I'm not really sure. There's probably variation in terms of valued functions / quadra values and maybe even rationality/irrationality, but I'm not sure. This is somewhat theoretical and 'magical' still, but, I don't see it as being too far fetched.
Last edited by UDP; 08-14-2009 at 07:51 PM.
I think its amusing how there are so many more responses to this this thread than to the reverse (what extraverts see in introverts).
LII-Ne with strong EII tendencies, 6w7-9w1-3w4 so/sp/sx, INxP
Even though this thread is two days older than the other thread?
haha, thanks. I do tend to keep what I think in my head, especially if I don't see the point in mentioning it. And yes, I tend to put a lot of thought into what I write, especially if it's more than one paragraphSereno rocks! You introverted guys should say what you think more often
Going back to the OP, I tend to defend extraverts (or anyone for that matter) when they do something that leaves them very exposed, what you would call "making a fool of myself." If there's a group setting and all of a sudden someone says or does something that makes them stand out in a weird/awkward way I'll be the first one to try to redirect the topic of conversation or just ignore what just happened.
Yeah, I agree with what you're saying, makes sense.
Yes, I can be rather long-winded and share a lot of what I'm thinking. (Though, as a side note, I'd like to point out that even if Sereno's post was long, I doubt it was comprehensive of his thoughts - my guess is he worded it carefully so as to keep things fairly concise and make sure the point didn't get lost). But the circumstances need to be right for me to actually just start sharing a lot. And I'm not sure an extrovert "pushing" me will do it all the time. For one thing, I don't instinctively like to be pushed to do things, even if it isn't intentional. For another, if someone pushes for my thoughts on something, I'll try to give them what I think they're wanting, not necessarily the full scope of my thoughts. When I really share a lot is when, as Sereno said, I feel it is wanted and not "in the way". Which means room needs to be made, if that makes sense. And sometimes I think that some people feel uncomfortable when there is "room" in a conversation, so they keep talking and pushing to fill in those "gaps". What is nice is when someone indicates and maintains interest, but doesn't try to pry anything from me.
Perhaps you mean "...has brought up..."? I should hate to think I brought about various forms of compartmentalization in you.
*nods* I know the feeling. Both of them.haha, thanks. I do tend to keep what I think in my head, especially if I don't see the point in mentioning it. And yes, I tend to put a lot of thought into what I write, especially if it's more than one paragraph
Going back to the OP, I tend to defend extraverts (or anyone for that matter) when they do something that leaves them very exposed, what you would call "making a fool of myself." If there's a group setting and all of a sudden someone says or does something that makes them stand out in a weird/awkward way I'll be the first one to try to redirect the topic of conversation or just ignore what just happened.
Oh, to find you in dreams - mixing prior, analog, and never-beens... facts slip and turn and change with little lucidity. except the strong, permeating reality of emotion.
"..has brought about the realization of various forms of compartmentalization..."
Yeah, I could have written more, but chose not to. I like writing so that it's all cohesive, but it takes me a long time
Introverts aren't pushy, being insecure is endearing, you're more likely to wait for me to finish talking before talking, I'm more likely to listen to you because you don't talk just for the sake of talking...I like introverts.
I'd be careful about conflating introversion with insecurity. Extroverts can be insecure about things too
I didn't say introverts were insecure. Please ignore my incinuations.I'd be careful about conflating introversion with insecurity. Extroverts can be insecure about things too
"Insinuations"...I didn't say introverts were insecure. Please ignore my incinuations.
(It's related to "sinew" not "incinerate.")
Last edited by Brilliand; 04-01-2010 at 04:19 AM.
LII-Ne
"Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and the Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare!"
- Blair Houghton
Johari
The remind me of what it is to give a damn.
Introverts are generally less obtrusive and annoying, which is nice.
I really enjoy being able to 'pursue' or 'initiate' things - or more so, really, someone who appreciates me doing that. I wouldn't wan to dictate everything, that's boring. But someone who doesn't mind me being that way, it's fun and appealing. That applies to relationships and physical things, particularly. I find, really, that EIIs fit really well with that because they don't have S, and they aren't irrational or extraverted either, so it's nice for me.
They tend to allow me to 'talk' when I want, and it can be less confusing than when two extratims/extraverted people talk - there's more often a focus on a line of conversation.
When an introvert feels comfortable talking to you openly about things, that makes me feel special or accepted in some way, which I like.
Posts I wrote in the past contain less nuance.
If you're in this forum to learn something, be careful. Lots of misplaced toxicity.
~an extraverted consciousness is unable to believe in invisible forces.
~a certain mysterious power that may prove terribly fascinating to the extraverted man, for it touches his unconscious.
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